I know you're likely sick of hearing it by now - how common miscarriage is. Because if it's so common, why do you feel so isolated and alone? Why do you feel like no one really, trully understands what you're going through? Even though it's been days, or weeks, (or sometimes years) since it's happened, the sting of the loss never truly does go away. But I promise, it does get easier to move forward day by day.
Because we don't ever truly "move on", but we do move forward. If you're struggling with your greif, first of all, I want you to know you are 100% not alone, and whatever you're feeling is completely normal! If you're screaming at the sky, crying under the covers in bed after your partner has gone to sleep, or eating gallons of ice cream (or perhaps all three within ten minutes of each other) it's normal, you're not going crazy, and you will find a way through this.
You're also strong, beautiful and you did nothing wrong! I'm going to say that again because you need to hear it.
You did nothing wrong.
You did everything you were supposed to do, and you are not to blame. I know right now you're really feeling lousy, and you're probably looking for resources to help you find a way through this. (That's likely one reason you're reading this) So I have come up with a list of three things that you can do right now that will help you when you're having a rough day.
I hope you will find a way to find some peace, if only momentarilly.
1. Write in Your Journal
Now I know it's cliche, and everyone is probably telling you to do this but I swear this is something that works. Not only is this a safe place to write about what you're feeling, you won't have to worry about advice, tips, or worst yet listen to someone else's story when you're still deep in yours.
Go fancy and get a greif journal, or just do simple and write in a notebook. Use the computer and write in an online journal, or blog. But somehow, get writing. Every time you're feeling a strong emotion, write it down. It's the easiest way to work through your greif. And little by little you'll be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards. The pain is still there, but it's not as overwhelming for now.
2. Talk About It With Someone Who Gets It
When you're past the shock, and you're feeling a little better, talking to someone who gets it is key. While others can sympathize or be there to vent to, they can't understand it in their soul the way another loss mama can. She will have your back, and you will have her ear. She also has a shoulder or two to use when it gets really hairy, and she will challenge anyone who comes too close while you're still trying to put your life back together.
While everyone handles miscarriage and loss differently, and our stories come in all shapes and sizes, we do share one thing. We lost our baby, and it changed us.
3. Return to Your Routine ASAP
This seems counter-intuitive to say, but staying busy really helps. Getting back into your regular routine is a wonderful distraction. You won't have time to sit and think about it all day long, you'll be intererupted with work, or church, or school. Your brain will remember the familiarity and it will help to ease the shock with doing something safe.
Don't go back too quick, make sure you're ready, but do go back as soon as you can.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little angel. I know how you're feeling and I love you! Please reach out if you're feeling like you need to talk, I am always here, just an email away.