Your life has just been torn completely upside-down. Whether you were in the early weeks, or you suffered a late-term miscarriage or a stillbirth - you were expecting a new little life to change yours in wonderful and happy ways. But now, you find yourself with empty arms and a broken heart. It’s NOT fair, you did nothing wrong - you wanted that baby so bad.
Getting through those first days, weeks, and months after I lost my son was the toughest. And although it often felt like I’d never make it, I did somehow get through.
I put together this list of things that helped me work through the toughest stages of grief, and continues to help me on the days when I struggle with missing Logan.
I hope these suggestions for coping with grief will help you find some peace, if only momentarily.
Journaling is an incredibly therapeutic way to work through any difficult and troublesome experience. It provides a place where you can brain dump your feelings onto the page, which often helps you face them and get them out of your mind. After my own loss, I kept a journal of letters to my son. It helped to get everything in my head and in my heart out on the pages.
Find a beautiful journal, grab a spiral bound notebook, or start a blog - but give writing a try. Each time you're feeling a strong emotion, write it down. It's a powerful and easy way to work through the complex emotions and tangled thoughts when you’re grieving.
2. Talk About It With Someone Who Gets It
When you're past the shock, and feeling up to it, talking to someone who has experienced a similar loss can help you feel less isolated.
I was “blessed” to have someone in my life who had unfortunately endured miscarrying twins a few years after losing her 8-year-old daughter to a rare form of cancer. But I also turned to online infant loss support groups to connect with other women who had lost babies for the same medical reasons as myself. Having all these other loss moms to vent to and be supported by helped me tremendously
There are many different, free infant loss and miscarriage support groups on Facebook - you can find one that best suits your needs, medical issues, religion and lifestyle, but you’re more than welcome to join the support group I created for the loss moms I have met through my own grief journey and creating my keepsakes.
3. Establish a New Routine That Helps You Cope & Heal
Getting back into a regular routine may seem impossible, but it’s a healthy approach to coping with your newly rearranged life. Take time off from work if you are able and need to, and introduce healthy habits into your daily routine. It’s hard to think of taking care of yourself at a time like this, but try to create a new routine that helps you feel safe and reduces stress. Set aside time for journaling, exercise, finding a creative outlet, and check in weekly with a friend, spouse, grief counselor, or your doctor.
Have another suggestion for a healthy way to deal with grieving a lost baby or pregnancy? Share it with us in the comments section below.